The pervasive distraction that’s costing you (it's not DJT)
Monday Money Missive
My dear Kindred Spirit,
Sooooooo many of my sessions with clients recently have been focused on how to continue to build and grow in the face of the shit show that’s currently gripping the US. I am an international coach, and this has been true even with clients who are not American, and who are not currently residing in the states.
It’s easy to identify this distraction that comes in the form of ever worsening headlines, whether they’re crossing your phone like a ticker tape, or being presented to you first thing in the morning by a smooth voice over the radio, as something that threatens your ability to create and maintain a sustainable income. Mention it in just about any setting, and people will nod in full recognition.
But I would argue that most of us have been doing our best over decades to create in the face of a more insidious attention-sucking distraction, one that we’ve been up against most our lives, and that not-so-quietly lives alongside us.
Do you know what it is? I’ll give you a few seconds to guess.
The distraction that I see that costs us the most is our continual, ongoing investment in low-quality relationships.
What are low-quality relationships? These are relationships in which we are giving more than we get, and in which we experience chronic dissatisfaction, with people who we fantasize will change and/or about whom we complain. A lot.
This may be a romantic partnership, or it could be your association with a co-worker, sibling, parent, child or neighbor. It’s a relationship you end up spending wayyyyyyy too much time thinking about and talking about.
Do have one of those? More than one? How much of your time, emotional bandwidth and headspace is devoted to the ongoing tending of this/these relationship(s)?
Much of the time, when women come to me wanting to make more money, their devotion to a person who is sucking them dry gets in the way of their aspirations. Often it’s a vocally critical partner telling her she can’t do it. Typically, he has gigantic emotional needs, the management of which somehow landed on her to-do list. So much of her time and energy is focused on taking care of him, trying to appease him, thinking of ways to help him, and ways to improve the relationship that she doesn’t have much left to devote to the things that truly matter to her.
Can you relate?
If so, your first step is identify that which you’re actually responsible for.
(Hint: you’re not responsible for managing anyone else’s feelings. No one’s! Not even your child’s!)
In a practical sense this means that you don’t have to massage, finesse, or manipulate circumstances to make them more appealing to the person with whom you’re in this relationship. I would argue that doing so is a means of trying to make the relationship more palatable and tolerable to you, rather than seeing the truth of what is in front of you.
Instead of worrying about hurting someone’s feelings, and potentially withholding or watering down what you want to say in order to keep the peace, recognize that what you’re about to share will likely spark some feelings in the other person, and trust that they have the ability to deal with their own emotions.
If you read that sentence and thought, “But they can’t!” Then you don’t have a healthy relationship.
I call myself a life and money coach because it’s never, ever just about the money. The quality of our relationships impact our bank accounts, too.
Your thoughts? I’d love to hear them. Please click on the heart, and leave a comment.
with love,
Laura
P.S. Have you heard the Woman Uncaged Podcast? Season 3 launched yesterday with our 42nd episode. Please give us a listen, rate and review.