Midlife Money Matters

Monday Money Missive

My Dear Kindred Spirit,

It’s been four months since my husband and I separated, and I left my beloved Ithaca. It honestly feels MUCH longer.

The cool temperatures I associate with Fall have finally arrived in Cincinnati (soon to be followed by the changing color of leaves, I hope). And with it, I feel like I’m entering a new season, too. The season of the single woman.

Me (in front, on the left) on a singles’ hike after work on Friday. My first singles’ event, ever.

My dear friend and biz bestie, Linda Katz, and I recorded a podcast episode on Woman Uncaged about the more emotional aspects of my journey thus far. You can find that here. (Please rate and review, if you’re so inclined.)

With you, I want to share more about what I’m learning, as I talk with other divorcing women, and as I am traversing this territory myself.

The #1 thing is this: Regardless of relationship status, it’s incredibly important that women prioritize having a way to make money.

Traditional, heterosexual marriage is not set up for this. Especially if you choose to have children. Children require a tremendous amount of care, civilizing, nurturing, feeding and transporting. Someone has to do it. And the pressure is on us. Men are never asked how they are going to balance a career and fatherhood. The juggling act is typically ours alone.

It doesn’t help that outsourcing child care is expensive at best and, at worst, feels risky and like a dereliction of duty.

Like me, I know you’re past the stage of deciding whether to have children. Like me, you’ve probably already sacrificed some of your career years to the tending of those sweet, sticky little cherubs who grow up way too fast.

So, is it too late?

No. I don’t believe it is. Unless you’re on the verge of divorce after 30 years of being a stay-at-home mom. I’ve talked to a few women in that situation recently, and they are facing some unpleasant consequences like having to considerably downsize their standard of living to a basic 1 or 2 bedroom apartment while taking a job in the school cafeteria.

Honestly, though, I have found my conversations with women who believe they can’t afford to get divorced more heartbreaking. Women who gave up their careers decades ago, who have little in the way of employment experience, and feel like they have no option but to stay in an unhappy, unhealthy marriage, taking care of someone they no longer care for, and having sex they don’t want to have.

It doesn’t have to be this way. But it’s up to us to create the alternate path.

I strongly believe that your midlife years can be dedicated to growing an income, in a way that feels good to you. Mostly, anyway; no career is perfect. And, in fact, unless you’ve built a considerable nest egg, your midlife years should be dedicated to growing an income and creating that nest egg. (As my clients know, I’m not a fan of “should,” but this is one place where it applies.)

All marriages end, whether in death or divorce. We like to pretend otherwise, and most of us don’t have a plan to support ourselves when this cruel reality occurs.

Women who find themselves single, without a nest egg or a way of supporting themselves, often land in the only job for which they feel fully qualified: As someone else’s wife.

There’s no fairy tale here, when the choice is mostly economic. When you marry for money, you earn every penny.

Our society is set up to push us into marriage. We’re not taught to be earners. We’re encouraged to be mothers first and foremost, and to be the caretakers of men. There’s a reason married men tend to be one of the happiest demographics, as are single women.

But happiness is hard to find if you can’t feed yourself.

So ask this question: what would happen to me if my marriage suddenly ended? If you don’t know, find out. Talk to a financial professional (ask me for a recommendation- I have a growing list of professionals- mostly female- who enjoy working with women). If you do know, and the answer isn’t appealing, start working on that right now.

Look in the mirror. The “hero” you’re longing for is right there. She’s smart, she’s capable, and she can do this.

Have questions? Send them my way.

to our fully-funded liberation,

Laura

P.S. Being a woman in business for herself can be lonely, and we need to connect with other women who are prioritizing earning. How do you find these women? I’ve got two things for you- one paid and one free.

1. Finisher (Early bird price: $80 USD expires at 11:59pm on October 15th)

Buying a program isn’t magic. Implementing it is.

Finisher is your all-access pass to get your ‘one day’ dreams off the shelf and into action.

I'm co-hosting this program with my amazing friend and colleague, Suzanne Culberg (with her beautiful Australian accent!) so we can have call times that suit our Global audience!

What’s Included?

9 Coworking Calls: Let’s stop pretending we’ll work on our own. We’ll work together in real-time, tackling our to-dos.

2 Breakout Room Brainstorm Calls: Got roadblocks? We’ll brainstorm solutions so you can keep moving forward.

1 Networking Call: Meet like-minded people who totally get you. Connections now, collaborations later.

Perfect Time Slots: Convenient times so you can’t use time zones as an excuse! (We see you, international procrastinators!)

Finisher starts on November 1st, but early bird pricing ends on 10/15.

Sign up here.

2. Suzanne and I are also hosting a free networking event for women in business: Networking without Schmooze with Laura and Suze!

There’s no need to bring your elevator pitch; you won’t need it!

Instead, our focus is on genuine connection, in a fun-filled one hour on zoom.

Here’s the Agenda:

*Welcome - a brief group intro

*2 Rounds of small group networking in breakout rooms - unsure of what to say? Don’t worry there will be prompts!

*Quick Bio break (a recharge time for our introverts)

*1 Round of brainstorm room breakouts - want to get some feedback on an idea you have or suggestions on a stuck point? ask fellow biz owners for their input

*Wrap up - invitation to share your deets in a group spreadsheet for follow up, before sending you back into your day

When? October 23rd 3pm Eastern

Come join us! We’d love to meet you!

Register here - https://networkingwithoutschmooze.substack.com/